When I asked Nukie next door if his new kindergarten teacher was nice, he thought a second and then said rather hopefully, "I think she is nice, she doesn't hit me!"
OMG!
Which made it doubly awful that Moomin picked a couple of hours later to threaten him with a shoe and yell that he was going to hit him for laughing. Nukie (a huge robust child especially next to Moomin) was actually cowering.
Made Moomin copy out lines about not being a mean person who hits people. (Later... after defusing the incident and then declaring it was time to come in.)
Horribly like an arrogant little prince... I can't explain to him that N. gets locked out of his house until his mom gets home and that he sleeps in the utility shed... He is a good kid, very cheerful, kind to babies, bright, playful, smart, etc.... I always feed him if he's here... I don't feel like explaining this to Moomin would be productive at all. So, from Moomin's point of view the dumb kid next door who can't play chess or read shows up and he is forced to share his legos and they have tense conversations where they boast about knowing about some TV cartoon hero. And from my point of view I'm like, Dude, you are lucky to have a kid-next-door to play with at all.
T.'s mom talked a bit about her prospects post-divorce . I had assumed she was either rich or was an ex-marketing or high powered executivey person confident of getting a good job. But no - actually not and though she administrated language programs in various other countries, etc, Daly City U. would not accept her BA even though they let her in 1 semester of grad school and she made all As. Her 4-year degree from England does not count - It was 20 years ago and the school's name has changed and her old profs are all gone and nothing can be properly certified. How... how could her husband leave, especially 1 year after adopting a baby (from Ch1na... what a huge effort... and then to leave apparently with no warning!) She seems amazingly calm , a bit bitter and despairing in a quiet way but determined to move on and seems to have faith she'll figure something out.
Still it is sobering... we talked about not ever thinking it would happen to you but then it does - the way that it is near impossible to get back in, and everyone in acts sanctimonious about it while not themselves wanting to hire anyone who has managed small children for the last 6-7 years.
I remember my mom listing her momness as managerial experience on her first resume and it made perfect sense to me at the time.
Meanwhile I am very excited on this new poet. I spent much of today grappling with "Mala P1el" which is a mind breaker of a poem and extremely p3rlongher-like. I had a sighing moment where I imagined her translating my M. F. poem or several others that would be really hard in just the same way, to Spanish. she would be the perfect person to do it. And F. wrote back to my burbled madness speaking as if it were just a matter of my carelessly mentioning to X.Y. at Very Cool Small Press that I was thinking of doing it, and they would go for it. When... actually they do not even have any contact info on their web site and they are snootypants to the max. I would have NO idea how to contact them. And she tossed it out ther that of course C.L was not very hip to REAL radical revolutionary poems were they now... as I should know... so why bother. This made me laugh as it's so true... they wet their pants only for already completely establishment-ized people - but i have hope anyway. One could be a token. It would be one thing if F. mentioned it casually to X at Very Cool Small Press. And ANOTHER if I do it... who they don't know. I am very lucky to have any mentoring at all but always end up with the mentors who drop your hand about 1/4 of the way through the tunnel and prance off expecting you, too, to be able to see in the dark... they don't know what dark IS... oh their casual careless exercise of power.... their crumbs!!!!!
Ummm... Is Nukie's home a safe place for him? Is calling CPS an appropriate option?
Even if it isn't, having a neighbor mom who is a model of kindness and decency and who shows by example that Things Don't Have to Be This Way is incredibly valuable. Please keep on doing it.
Posted by: Alan Bostick | August 29, 2006 at 10:12 PM
No... it is not a cps thing... his mom and big sister are awesome... they're just poor, dude.
The violence stuff might be from the neighbor situation or maybe a warning that you must behave in school or they wallop you.
Posted by: badgerbag | August 29, 2006 at 10:32 PM
But why is he locked out? Why can't he go inside before his mom gets home? That makes me so sad!
Posted by: Lea | August 30, 2006 at 07:01 AM
He's sleeping in the utility shed. That's not okay.
Posted by: Ms. Jane | August 30, 2006 at 08:06 AM
Well frankly the whole "house" is shed-like so there is not much between the sleeping situations and that way there is a bit more privacy. He clearly gets plenty of sleep and food and love and does very well.
It is interesting however that the gate between the tiny back "house" ie garage/shed, and the front house and yard, has now been nailed over with boards, cutting off communication between the houses, and I'm sure there's a story there.
What would really appall many people is the yard filled with scrap lumber studded with rusty nails, bits of metal, beer cans, broken glass, and a 10 foot wide fire pit. I know people who would utterly freak at the thought of letting a child near it and yet, if you grow up there then you learn immediately not to fuck with giant piles of naily scrap lumber and to keep your shoes on...
Hygenic childproofed environments are overrated.
N. has friends in every house up and down the block on both sides - everyone knows him - the neighbors all look out for him.
Posted by: badgerbag | August 30, 2006 at 08:36 AM
I still think it's not safe for him.
Posted by: Jo | August 30, 2006 at 06:07 PM
Poverty certainly causes some real, permanent issues for children. It's hard when neglectful environments are the result of poverty- not lack of love- but he is still being neglected. I don't know what the answer is exactly but I'm raising my adopted daughter and she will probably always suffer because of choices made in her childhood. I hear what you're saying about neighbors watching out and Nukie being a good 'coper' but I've done a ton of research on these issues to figure out how to best deal with my kiddo. I also know too many other adoptive families that have kids with issues related poverty and neglect.
It's hard isn't it when you don't want to cause a child more problems by making a call? But I wish that someone would have valued my kiddo that much.
Posted by: Heather | September 01, 2006 at 11:27 PM