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qp

oh, man. Your ny plan is good.

my mom is always promising to write up some manner of contract/letter pledging never to do to me the crazy stuff her parents do to her, to be opened when she starts turning into them. Maybe I should have her really do it.

Wired

My mom says the same thing, "If I ever get that depressed, I hope you shoot me with a dart gun full of Prozac!" about her mother.

Also, every time she sees her mom she spends time checking that she is not "doing that to us". Where that=guilt trips and indirect communication.

badgerbag

It seems to me the thing not to do is ... not to have a reasonable plan of taking care of yourself. And the thing TO do is to make plans and stick to them. Knowing something... anything... about money, law, pensions, Medicare, etc. seems crucial...

Horrifying bit of this story: My mom said that a key objection to my Gma H. moving into some kind of apartment building or condo was that "most places like that have rules against having someone mentally ill live there." This... if true... would be illegal discrimination. But I htink it is just something someone said to her and that she believed.

Iris

What is scary about this is that when you get old you may just prefer to be doing all these things that look crazy to younger people. Like teenagers saying they hope they die before they get old (30). Everyone thinks I am mad to want to live alone in the middle of nowhere. What if my children forcibly rounded me up and made me move to the city and go to the theatre every evening .. for my 'own good' .. arrgghh!

Lisa Hirsch

I am right now in NJ working on getting my 85-year-old mother out of a house that has become dangerous to her (treacherous stairs); she has been paralyzed by trying to get it done, has some health issues, etc. The upshot of it all was that I cut through everything by just offering to do the work, which will get done in July & August when I take a leave of absence to come back here.

Believe me, I am learning a TON about how not to plan for your old age, and have been for a long time.

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