d.'s kids sweet as one could imagine teenagers being. oooo.. it's been 20 years ... 20 years! since i've been where they are. This only gets weirder. Daughter so cute with the forbidden, leftover pink streaks in her hair and talk of m@rching band, and her son a rather brooding soul noodling out licks from 0zzzy ozzb0rne very competently on his new electric guitar, and a sweet shy smile... a nascent hesher/skatepunk... the nice kind... in 5 years will be in school in Denton, working in a cafe and being in 2 different bands, composing moody emo-poetry about the darkness of his soul. everyone will have crushes on him for working in the cool cafe and being in a band.
Rook is being super super nice and patting my hand a lot in odd moments. I can barely feel connected with him though. I'm just too disturbed to be fully present. I've gone off into orbit somewhere today.
I am crazed with several desperate overwhelming needs:
- get large tattoos all over body
- get really drunk
- smoke a lot behind the 7-11 dumpster
- do something extreme and risky, like dating boys, or bungee jumping, or skateboarding down a parking garage ramp, or going to the post office to mail a package with purple hair and hairy legs and a miniskirt on
- listen to very loud punk rock
- cry
- pierce middle of nose several times with holepuncher
Must leave town before I mutate and buy myself a judas priest t-shirt and become one of those girls who cut themselves all the time. I'm a barely controlled, wild, fey, thin human skin over a churning freak-out. MUST GET OUT OF TOWN QUICK.
in the suburbs, because there is nowhere to go, the only voyages are inwards...
well, come visit me! I've been biking around Brooklyn all day because I can't stand to be at home. We could go do punk rock karaoke at Arlene's Grocery. We could go see weird foreign films. We could co-write a play.
Gosh, maybe my life isn't so exciting, either. Have been fantasizing about spending a week in a hammock on the coast of Oaxaca, getting hammered, getting laid, talking about goofy deep stuff far into the night.
Posted by: steph | August 09, 2004 at 06:04 PM
oooh! Oooh! I want to get hammered in a hammock in oaxaca and write a play and get laid! ooh!
Posted by: Jo | August 09, 2004 at 06:06 PM
holy crap. i'm so on the plane to you, steph honey!
it makes the upcoming visit-to-in-laws more palatable - we will come hang with you, and i will also sneak off for a day of artistic madness with you solo!!!
I don't know when this happens but clearly sometime before xmas.
is there really punk rock karaoke?
Posted by: badgerbag | August 09, 2004 at 10:41 PM
wow, and I thought I was the only one who fantasized about doing those things... on a daily basis. I've always reverted to rebellious child when I feel restricted.
I'm so glad you think my kids are great. It's interesting how they still tell me they wish we could move back to California. And your son, such a cutie! Is he still saying "crotch dog"?
Posted by: D | August 12, 2004 at 08:45 PM