A worthy successor to Tandem Underwear
A while ago me and L. came up with the fabulous invention of "Tandem Underwear". We were a little bit drunk at a party and got online, drunk, with credit card in hand, to buy the domain name. Laughing so hard it hurt - tandemunderwear.com! It's not taken! Hooray! We envisioned the adult-novelty-style packaging - like that you would find on a windup hopping penis - tacky in the same way that an ad for a joy buzzer or a squirting nickel would be from a 1970s comic book. We invented the instructional videotape illustrating funny different styles of getting into the Tandem Underwear. Lying down! Standing up! Front to front! Front to back! Romantically! Humorously! Yes! We will make a MILLION DOLLARS!
In case you cannot picture it properly, lacking the mindmeld of me and my sister, I will elucidate the T.A.: it is simply two pairs of underwear with the front parts cut out, sewn together, so that two people can wear underwear while engaged in intimate activity. It could be easily engineered for front to back activity as well... And what's the point, you ask? It puts some much needed humor into sex. And it is handy on cold winter nights.
Ooo, that smell!
Anyway, tonight at BY's slideshow party, L. came up with the brilliant product, "A Hint of Ass". I believe it was a bag of "Hint of Lime" tortilla chips that inspired this drunken wit. Instantly I could see it: "A Hint of Ass" perfume! In a fancy glass bottle actually shaped like an ass! No, L. says, like a greek column, but with a subtly rounded ASS at the top, for the capital! Should the marketing campaign be more Dada style, or more squeaky clean 1950's? No - Art Deco, like Aubrey Beardsley. "Hint of Ass" perfume! "Hint of Ass" bathroom air freshener (more honest than those pine or flower scented ones!) "Hint of Ass" sachets for underwear drawers! L. was drunkenly going on about how we would dress up in suits and have a business meeting with a fabulous PowerPoint slideshow of our "Hint of Ass" business plan. And then the interactive Flash game on the web site, hintofass.com. What would the game be? A sort of Love-o-meter thing, but more of an Ass-o-meter? Or flying ass cheeks going across the screen and you click on it to "get into my pants"? And the perfume bottle would spray the perfume somehow actually out of an asshole shaped thing right at the right spot!
Maybe this was so funny because I knew I could instantly picture the whole spectrum of silliness and total inappropriateness that could be generated around this idea. But when I tried to explain why I was laughing so hard I was getting asthma and almost puking, people just looked at me in polite horror - obviously appalled and not really thinking it was funny at all. In the car on the way home JHK was like "I hate to tell you this, but it's actually NOT as funny as tandem underwear".
I still think it is.
And when I say I was "drunk" I mean only that I had less than half of a glass of wine. It's not like I started out with any inhibitions to be removed. L. had knocked back maybe half a bottle and was looking rather flushed. So, not really drunk.
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