Am I especially ill tempered today or is the news full of jerks and morons? Every single article chaps my hide. They are all jerks. Only the scale is different. * Horrible make-up artist sues another horrible make-up artist. Good Samaritan? Sure... yet, drunk-ass idiot Samaritans. * Can any of us even fathom the depths of total asshole Rod Blagojevich? "I will fight, I will fight, I will fight, until I take my last breath." Did he really just say "lynch mob"? Yes he did. * Jerks who want to cancel other people's marriages. Defending marriage by... attacking marriage! They totally hired that Clinton blowjob lawyer. Nice touch. * Bristol Palin's boyfriend's mom arrested on 6 felony counts of drug possession. Classy! Wonder what drug? If that baby gets named "Crystal" then we will know for certain sure. * One of those guys who got mauled by the escaped tiger gets caught shoplifting from Target. First you tease a tiger so hard it leaps out of its cage and eats your friend. Then you stuff a Wii down your pants and get caught. Then your slimey lawyer blames you stuffing the Wii down your pants on your 182 stitches from the tiger attack. Dude. Learn how to do some real crimes or something. * The one spot of joy in my day was imagining that asshole Madoff wearing an electronic ankle cuff. Though it would be so much nicer if he were in prison.