Today I woke up at 7 not hurting too much, but hurting in my back and knees and toes and finger joints, and shoulders. (As is nearly always true.) I made myself get up and move around when I couldn't stand to be in bed hurting any more. I did some laundry and picked things up and I think cleared off bits of the kitchen table while I waited for my coffee. Bustling around in the morning works well to force me to move around, so my joints unstiffen. I looked at Rook and Moomin and Mina and Zond-7 asleep all in their different rooms and wanted to wake them up but didn't. Well, periodically I curled up with Zond-7 hoping that I would either fall asleep again or that he would wake up and distract me from myself. But he would gaze at me dreamily and then pass out again. It seemed more merciful to let Rook sleep since he had been up late and of course I would not wake up any sleeping small children. So I drank my coffee and continued to bustle around from room to room exulting a little that despite hurting... and a limp... I could walk so awesomely. At times today I was almost *striding*. (Unlike the last 2-3 days which have been a hell of physical pain, especially my left knee, which is somewhat from barcamp and exhaustion but somewhat my own fault for overambitious sex; all worth it and I haven't complained much.) I set out food for kids and poked at my computer and email a bit and thought about work and made notes and plans and more lists. Kids woke up. Rook woke up. Zond-7 remained vague. Showers.... food.... I made Mina's lunch... folded more laundry... and made lists. I drove Moomin to his slightly squalid summmer camp, got a block away and realized it was his field trip day, went back home to get the correct tshirt id-ing him as being from that camp, dropped him off... Chaos... uncertainty. Then impatiently I poked up Zond-7 again and whisked him and Mina away to Bad-ass mamas coffee day. No grownups really talked with us which was too bad but sometimes happens. Mina was shy of the big kids. The cafe was unusually noisy...I love going there even so. The perfect pancakes! and M. and her sister who are so lovely. And Squid finally showed up and was in tears and I thought maybe she just cracked a bit from the pressure of life or Leelo had hit the baby or something extra difficult but it was some bad news about family friends who died. She does not like for her emotions to be visible so even sympathy or awareness is difficult as one does not want to embarrass her. And yet. And she was trying not to cry in front of Iz, which I understood, not because Iz should not know her mom cries but because Iz is extremely inquisitive and S is quite private and reserved, like Rook. Then we almost missed the train and I got out to see them off figuring that if they had to wait extra I would hang out or take them to the library. But there was another train! Or the first one was extra for the baseball game! Off to work... where I collapsed onto the couch and began a day of vaguely wrassling with the damn licensing thing. I am just making it up based on what a bunch of different people say it should be. None of them seem to realize how deeply they have no real idea -- if it were not a grey area there would not be such disagreement and confusion. Sometimes I think my value as a worker is in knowing I have no clue and pulling together judgement from many different intelligent sources. The annoying and very unsatisfying bit is when people think that it is really very simple -- and one view is right and all others are wrong. Or that because no one quite knows, I could just pick one "expert" opinion basically at random and go with it. Perhaps one could get away with that. I can't and won't. The other problem with this is that no matter how carefully i read a document and interpret it, it is not that that's the problem, it's the context, the precedents, various levels of politics, etc. Do I enjoy it? I can't tell. I like some bits of it, but I really hate the lack of respect and the position I'm in of having no authority or power, but an awful lot of the responsibility for things going wrong, in such a classic bad-management situation I wonder that the world doesn't explode. If not for that, I might like it. Not to mention the endless phone call meeting with VB the father of numbers who is perfectly nice and vastly intelligent and yet I cannot bear another avuncular explanation of bits of trivia that are outside of my control (Like, why does the Closed Minds Institute have the wrong kind of quotes on the page. I know they do. I have said. Others have said. all one needs ot say is "fix the quotes" to the right person. One need not lecture me endlessly about the need for file formats to be good. If you look for 2 seconds on the interwebs to see the problems of pla1n text compatibility then you will see this is not the first time this has happened... Anyway, clearly VB has mistaken me for his errant grad student. also i didn't do it. I did another dumb ticky thing, but not THAT.)
A. brought me delicious yogurt which cheered me ... food is love...
But most of it was frustrating, and i didn't get enough done, and I didn't get the other thing done I meant to do, and I spent a bunch of time flipping off the air while on a phone call and some more time staring off into space feeling vague while trying to think about what next, in between trying to outline on paper what to do next and IM-ing people whinily about how it sucked and reading public snarky blog posts about it. Quick.... i must develop a thick skin AND a positive attitude.
IM-ed snarkily myself with co-worker while in realtime conversation. Oh naughty addiction of note-passing in class! Went off to have a beer. Tried to talk about sporty things with other co-workers (for once) as i had by coincidence done both the sporty things they were talking about (rafting and paintball). Amazing! I hope to take photos of their paintball bruises tomorrow. Home. YAY HOME so cosy! I cooked stir fry with frozen stir fry bag of things from cosco. and it was super yummy and satisfying.
I bought plane tickets for thankgiving after conferring with Rook. He had picked up Moomin and fed him and paid lots of attention. Oh and had taken him to a movie and shopped and read books yesterday.
Somewhere in the day I read bits of things. And last night I read all of Nnedi Okorafor-Mbachu's Zahrah the Windseeker, which was quite excellent and satisfying with its nervous tough reserved girl-hero and its weird world ripe for sequels and prequels and its Forbidden Greeny Forest with intelligent gorillas; and then a very cheesy space opera that I'm just finishing now to go to sleep with, called Skirmish, by Melisa C. Michaels.
On the way home (partly because of noticing qp's post and clicking a link on hammocks during a 5 minute LJ break, I was imagining a long fantasy as codependent people in new love do of how when Zond-7 got his new place I would sneak in ("sneak") and competently (it is a fantasy) install a sort of infrastructure over the bed (which would magically be nice but not too nice) for him to have a hammock and I would also have this fancy hammock which I would have secretly obtained, perhaps the triangular kind that is very fancy that qatipay was writing about on LJ; and i would cunningly arrange it all so that the hammock could be unhooked and swung away, and it would be over the bed so that Mina could play on it and fall off and not kill herself; this all because yesterday Zond-7 and I were in the Pilot's hammock in the back deck and he was entranced and had *never been in a hammock before*. So when he IM-ed me he had been surfing hammocks I confessed this thought sequence knowing he would understand...
Meanwhile! Moomin told me all about his field trip to Santa Cruz. And read me many comic strips. And we ate on the patio table in the back yard. I did not clean it up. Rook ate banana cream pie from yesterday. I had some hot chocolate and graham crackers in bed while blogging. Rook is writing up his short article on D and D and gender for Cerise magazine. We are almost up to now. I left out how I drove to pick up Eliz. from Jo's house and we talked gaming. Tonight is the only time before Rook leaves for Burning Man that I have time to be with both her and Rook, I think, so I needed to whisk her away. Realized I ahd screwed up my planning of tomorrow as i was going to hang with skud down here but also said i would be in the city. OOOPS and also i have to be in the city at around 2 to get Zond-7 as we are going off to elope temporarily into the woods by the sea. I have not had a vacation other than the day at Oz Farm. This wll be another long drive and quick vacationy moment. But I wish it were longer. Then suddenly Zond-7's tooth filling fell out so he must go to the dentist... alas... And so I will go to the city early and hang out and work there and also hang with skud. THEN perhaps take Zond7 to the dentist and THEN go drive off down the coast to the redwoods and a very fancy B & B with a hot tub with vaguely reasonable disabled access with only a few stairs. I want to go into the redwoods AND go to the beach on Saturday if we can pry ourselves out of the hotel room with its amazing looking hot tub. I meant to write about how funny it was the other day when we wrestled each other in bed while arguing with intense passion about epistemology and data structures, really it was the hottest thing ever. Instead I wrote about my very long day so that I could hide that one funny sentence near the end. If I actually told the story it would be even funnier and also the story of his response to my hammock construction fantasy. Now I need to go pack for tomorrow and get ready for bed. I will see tons of friends in the city, I'll get some good work done, I'll poke at a fun hackery thing with skud, and I'll go on fabulous brief vacation. I feel super happy and loved!
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