Today I was writhing in pain in bed, with the nastiest worst cramps and most sudden-onset gusher of a period, ever. It started abruptly in mid-morning and by 4pm I think my entire uterus had turned liquid and fallen out. I was finally able to get up for real and eat something around 2. Somehow until then I kept Moomin amused, or he kept himself amused. The batcomputer came in for heavy use. He wrote some thank-you notes with only minor spelling help ("guess" and "laugh").
Since christmas day itself I've also been in pain from my toes, fingers, and knees, typical winter joint pain for me, but until now I thought I had escaped that hell! Dammit! What happened! It can't be the rain because it rained a lot this fall and nothing bad hit me.
Anyway, worst cramps ever, and mostly i just lay in bed groaning quietly on a heating pad and trying to distract myself by reading book after book.
On the other hand....
The last few days have been good for poetry-writing and translating.
I'm in this pleasant haze of being around other people, parties, enjoying hanging out and getting to see everyone.
Last night it was nice to hang out with Caraja - book sale, writing in a cafe, nice korean food, and we watched some more animated star trek - which, as I remember how much I liked it when I was little and how intense I felt about the short stories, makes me feel extra happy. I was thinking how much I wanted to be Spock, and about my male-identifiedness and how misogynist i was as a little girl. I hated girls, girliness, and all i knew was, spock was the antidote, he was my hero. If I could be spock, or obviously spocklike, no one would mistake me as someone who would have those loathesome girly qualities. I went around talking about how emotions were stupid (including happiness).
I thought a bunch about blogging, and love, and relationships, and old girlfriends from college, and the ways that places take on personality and hold memory so intensely.
A moment this week in the rain when the streetcorner suddenly looked like I think it would 40 years from now in my memory -- I could feel my future self there in the completely different place looking at a photograph or a memory of how it looked to me right at that minute. IN other words, my current reality looked old fashioned. It was like pre-nostalgia.
Poems are going on in me in response to reading lots of Carmen B3renguer and Maureen Owen while also deep into the "Women writers of the middle ages" book. B3renguer's poem "Mala piel" is mindbreakingly broken, excellent and weird. She's so verby!!!! I need to write her back but I'm feeling really shy about it.
Tomorrow I'll pull it together to write some job-type things (assuming the cramps will let up.)
Rook's reading "She-Hulk: Single Green Female" to Moomin in bed. Oh, a highlight of today was Moomin's delight in some Chip & Dale cartoons. He was completely destroyed by them, rolling around on the couch helpless with laughter.