I just called the nurse ... "Great news! Your ultrasound is perfectly normal! You're fine! You're healthy!"
I'm not joking... that's what Nurse Perky said to me.
"Um, I'm actually not healthy and fine. Sorry."
"But it looks perfect and healthy. What was the problem? pain? Maybe it's something you're eating?"
(I explain the problem again, briefly)
"You know WHAT, I bet you have irritable bowel!"
"Er, my bowels are fine. In fact, surprisingly so, given the diet of rice, potatoes, and Mylanta."
"Well, I'm sure it'll end up being Irritable bowel!!!" (said with 150 watt cheer)
hahahah... I am amazed...
Maybe I'll just pretend and believe hard enough and the problem will go away!
As I suspected, there was no "And so let's figure out what might be going on..." or further appointment suggested... but a deep, cheerful, battering ram of "YOU ARE PERFECTLY HEALTHY EXCEPT FOR BEING NEUROTIC." You know what? Maybe I'm just "doing this to get attention"! Gosh!
I'll go have a hamburger now. Thanks, Nurse!
I'm grinding my teeth with rage. If you couldn't tell through the computer.