cruising, tagging, the non-existent "played with" xfn tag

The first thought I had about building a Ning app was about disaster relief... the second about cruising, sex, and bdsm negotiation. Then I began the general musing about geotagging, personal relationship markup, and ... research.

So, I heard about xfn probably either at BlogHer or at Barcamp. And only last week looked at it. I remember some of the attempts to do visual representation of blogrolls and blog linking - interesting but never quite "there". xfn is quite cool. I would like to add more to the list of categories, though it's a good beginning.

About the cruising - it would be like an online hanky code, I guess. So immediately I think of the "creep factor" and have no idea how to combat it! Do we care? Does it matter? Maybe I'll just make a woman to woman cruising app and see what happens!

About personal relationships: why do we care? Why do we gossip so much? Should we? I would argue yes: it's not trivial knowledge. It's significant information about a person's identity. We understand who people are through knowing about their relationships, past and present. It's also important for many practical reasons - including STD transmission but I'd put in almost the same category "information transmission"; the spread of ideas, rumors, secrets. Now, for example on the STD transmission and anthropological understanding... recall the sexual relationship map of Jefferson High. For the importance of ideas, consider how slutty people keep different social groups in contact with each other; they're cross-pollinators of information and ideas, not just popular and affectionate hedonists. (Er, that should be "we" not "they".) Consider in biographies, that we want to know who has slept with who, and how much that tells us about how ideas jumped social bridges (for example, politics and poetry... or when considering artistic influences...). You can't assume a level of intimacy, trust, or information sharing just because people have had a sexual encounter, but... it certainly makes it more likely. Well, I said this in my old slut manifesto, and I still believe it.

I'm remembering times I've drawn those little sexual-encounter maps with other people... I did with my friend G. back in college and then again many times over the years... Plenty of people have joked about "Whorekut"... and it would be quite interesting especially if extended back into history! X. and I made one, with all our mutual friends and acquaintances, and were both astonished at some of the information we had that the other one didn't know. And woudl sit there going "Oh, my god, that explains EVERYTHING..." i.e. some level of those people cutting each other some slack, or maybe the other way, some inexplicable tension or hostility. It explained tensions between people who had maybe shared the same lover for a while... Stuff like that!

Comments

[Lisa Hirsch]

Oh, of course gossip and informal information spread is important! It's social glue!!

Slut manifesto, she asked hopefully? :-)

[Lisa Hirsch]

Ack, "are important." Always read before posting.

[Alan Bostick]

X. and I made one, with all our mutual friends and acquaintances, and were both astonished at some of the information we had that the other one didn't know. I had the exact same experience when I did exactly the same thing with my lover of the time, including the OMFG-that-explains-everything part.

It seems more complicated nowadays, at least to me. One would need different kinds of links for (say) one person having caned another, having latex-barriered oral sex, bareback PIV sex, and so on.

Then there are the interesting situatins where Person A thinks what she did with Person B was sex, but Person B has a different opinion.

[Ms. Jane]

I always thought it odd that the two things that people find most interesting - sex and money - aren't supposed to be discussed.

Frankly, I think the not talking about how much you make thing works against women, since we don't know how much people in similar positions in the same company make. How can you even know how much to ask for when you get hired.

Stupid patriarchy.

[Adrian]

Dear badgerbag,

I'm the guy who tried to contact you at at AIM.

I've found a copy of your slut manifesto (15, 16 years old now!) at http://everything2.com/. If you have no objections, I'm going to post a summary on my blog at http://www.philosophyblog.com.au, because I think it raises important issues that need discussing.

But a summary just ain't no substitute for the real thing. Any chance at all that you could give me permission to post the full text? Am willing to send you souvenirs and postcards from Australia to sweeten the deal.

I realize you're a different person now, and might not want still to be associated with the manifesto. But it's such a powerful and provocative piece of writing... I must have read it back in 1993, and it's been on my mind a lot since that time.

[badgerbag]

Dear Adrian, Sure, you can post the whole thing - that's fine with me. I would ask that you keep the name as Lizzard Amazon and I guess link it to this blog.

The vague pseudonymity being just so people don't google my rl full name and come up with Slut Manifesto as #1.

I would also add from my perspective today that Monique Wittig wrote some extremely similar, and more coherent, stuff around the same time, in her book The Straight Mind and other essays. If you write up your summary and perspective on the manifesto, I will sum up The Straight Mind in response/comparison and we can link all that discussion together.

Believe me, I'm super happy just to see that someone read it, thought about it, and is interested beyond ripping off bits of it to put on cheesy porn sites or somewhat disturbing "Advice for slave girls" or some of the other places it has ended up over the years.

Cheers,

Liz

[Adrian]

Dear badgerbag, thanks very much! And thanks for the drop-in and the comments!

I'll post the full text first (should appear in about an hour), and later on (perhaps tomorrow -- this will take me a while) I'll post a summary of what stood out for me, together with some thoughts.

Someone recently pointed me to a book called "The Ethical Slut" by Dossie Easton. I wonder if you've read it, and what you thought.

In fact, it would be fascinating, in general, to know in what ways you've changed your mind over the course of the last decade and a half. Perhaps writing on "The Straight Mind" would give you an opportunity to express this.

The souvenirs and postcards offer still stands, by the way. So if you're game to give your mailing address to an internet random, I'd be more than happy to send you a thank you package.

Pardon me if I gush a little. I can't really believe I'm in communication with you. It's talking to a celebrity.

Regards,

Adrian

[Adrian]

Dear Badgerbag,

In case you've dropped by my blog lately...

I'm away for a month in Europe. Will be taking a laptop with me and working on a reply to your manifesto while I'm away. So, apologies it's taken/taking so long! I don't want to rush it; and I'll drop you a note when it's done.

Regards,

Adrian