At the park, a manifestation of pregnant sexist evil bugged the shit out of me so extremely that I was glad I had my extra-ripped-in-the-butt jeans on. I hoped that the power of my underwear would strike her dumb. It didn't work.
"Oh! It's so hard being preggo with my THIRD! my husband's not even TALKING to me! Especially because, you know, three BOYS. " I beamed non-comprehension in her direction. "You know! Because boys Fight All the Time." "Well, not necessarily... and I don't believe that's true." I owe it to Moomin to say that out loud any chance I get. Otherwise he will believe it and internalize it. that's what I think, anyway.
And this troglodyte... she never quit it, if one of her kids even moved towards another kid she'd scream at it not to hit, not to fight. "CONNOR! ETHAN! NO! What did mommy tell you about girls? DON'T HIT GIRLS! Be GENTLE with GIRLS." I'm sorry to scream in capital letters so much, but that's what she did. I am merely the textual conduit. It was her only topic of conversation. What.... the fuck.... is people's problem... "And with a THIRD BOY they will just be fighting all the time! My huzzbin is SO MAD AT ME." I am embarrassed to admit that I only muttered the words, "Tell your huzzbin to cut off his fucking balls already" instead of yelling them.
Finally they left! I was digging river systems in the boiling sun with that Captain of Industry, Moomin M. Yong. "Dig faster, Mommy!" "Thanks, sir." "Good work, Badger! You did a great job." I got another kid playing with him. They ran around together, pretending to be squirrels. Success! Though - horribly - I asked his mom if she was his grandmother. You'd think I'd have known better... OMG..... But she thought it was funny and we hung out chatting a while. Soccer. tree-climbing. I have been trying to climb on every piece of playground equipment to make myself nimble and muscular... I still can't go across the monkey bars but I hang on a good long time. Moomin was less shy than usual!
He is obsessed with sending fan mail to D4v Pilkkey and keeps asking me questions like, "What is D4v Pilkkey doing right now? Is he finishing the next R1cky R1cotta book, which is, which is, which is, R1cky R1cotta and his M1ghty Robot and the N4ughty N1ghtcrawlers from N3ptune? Where does D4v Pilkkey live? Did he read my email? What does he look like? Because I would really, really, really like to tell him that I am WAITING."
It is possible that I am not D.P.'s target age group but I didn't find his books very funny.
Posted by: Iris | June 28, 2005 at 02:32 AM
Did you actually email him? I bet he'd be happy to know that Moomin is his biggest fan.
Posted by: Jo | June 28, 2005 at 08:00 AM
Whenever I blather on at length about Chis Isaak and how totally hot he is and wonder what he's doing at that Very Moment, Himself always sweetly replies "Probably thinking about you."
Posted by: Ms. Jane | June 28, 2005 at 12:07 PM
Connor, Ethan? Interesting that the Evil Overmom kids share names with a couple of Whedon's villains. Just sayin'.
Posted by: whump | June 28, 2005 at 11:44 PM