badgerbag: messy, surly, full of books

delurk

Okay -- just so I know. Who the heck is out there? Speak up, you readers and lurkers, just for a second. I keep getting surprised. Also, it's been quiet lately. Too quiet.

go figure

I'm so unvirtuous it's ridiculous. I made all these resolutions about work discipline and priorities this morning and instead, suddenly spazzed out and wrote a 4000 word homeric hymn to Chulita's breasts, my breasts, breasts in general, the divine breast, Hooters waitresses, this girl I used to have sleep over at my house when we were 12 and how I would soap her up when we took showers together, different strippers hanging out with me in dressing rooms, etc. etc. etc. I'm not sure if there's a point to it all other than it being all about boobies. Isn't that pretty much all that's needed?

At least I was at work while I wrote it.

As a sop to virtue, I will now wash the dishes, translate one poem, and take Moomin to the park for a rock concert and playdate with the poor little rich boy, Spam, and his babysitter. Rather than lie here in bed reading victorian porn while Moomin watches a video. That's virtuous... I think...

funny story idea

idea: use the techgirls thing and the "seven pillars of pretty code" to write a ridiculous porn story with a lot of domination and geek humiliation as the techgirl insults the bad code of the techie calling in with the credit card and the hardon. i mean, i could so do this - i've seen a lot of ugly-assed code.

goals

I have been trying to think about narrowing my goals. Even as I do things like start writing enormous novels and the list of projects grows ever bigger. What I realized is that the project is not the goal.

Goals i.e. "what I want" in some broad sense (2-3 year):

get more stuff out into the world
be more known as a writer, do readings in diff. places
it would be nice if people asked me for stuff rather than me having to pimp it all the time
be a more versatile writer
continue being an editor/publisher and get better at that - better at layout, distribution, etc
a book that can bring actual royalties, even a little bit
book of my own poetry not published by me
get up to the goal of 48+ pp. of translations published, so I can apply for NE@ gr@nts in 2005
get other grants or awards
get some more teaching experience
get my possibly pointless masters
talk at more conferences
be more expert in the things I like
speak better spanish

Projects:

1. T@lking D1rty book - (this is now my high priority thing. i should have finished it a year ago.)
2. RP book with Rook
3. translations. stick to the plan of all public domain and immediately send them out. immediately.

4. Finish translating L.V.'s little book - I have committed to do this!
5. annotated bibliography of "flavors of Sp@nish" regional/national dictionaries (for @LTA conf.)
6. research delmira's homie girls from turn of century Urugu@y/Argentin@ (for @LTA conf.)
****
* writing lots of poetry (this doens't need a priority as it happens no matter what else is going on, sort of automatically, but as i allocate more time to it, i tend to like the results better and write more complex things)
* blogging/diaries (obviously, this doesn't need any special effort either)
* Z.M.'s poem cycle. finish translating it.
* Feminary - finish it gradually over time. post the long essay up there.
* b1lingual poetry annotated bibliography, possibly on-blog
* Morrigan book/ event - (i think this gets abandoned. maybe could instead offer J.Gr@hn to make a cool booklet of it thru t0llbooth? a tiny book just for her, like a pocket poet one? i lust to publish that one poem.)
* translation reading series (this, still possible but i haven't moved forward. maybe quarterly, not monthly?)
* teach a rec center class - on making books/zines, on feminism and mythology. one on buildilng characters and worlds. how about on blogging!? o yeah. do in library comp center, make them blog right there as i crack signal whip over their heads.
* publishing more little books
* putting G.H.'s book "Whoregasm" on the web as i promised i would
* reprinting G.H.'s book "Fl@me People" - SO GOOD.
* making c1d corman's wen fu translation in print or web (i have permission from him! and i started typing it up, and I also started recording myself reading it last year... why did i forget this cool project?)
* My own book (M0ther Fr@nkenstein)
* past books - getting them available
* keeping up with local scene, go to p@lo alto slam, w@verley, etc.
* make across the @cheron project realer by calling the publishers to get rights or collaborate with them, hell, get paid by them or something

I was thinking again about teaching writing. I hate the "industry" of it. But on the rec center or high school level it might not be so bad and might not make me crazy. I did notice that I had spontaneous instant advice for McCoot on how to improve his story. it wasn't going to fix the awfulness of the story, but it would have made the basic writing level better. I also instantly came up with writing exercises for him.
I analyzed Professor DJ's teaching style for a year (not in writing, but still) and summed up what he did that I thought worked well - short in-class exercises in 3-5 minute sections and then doing round robin of results and asking for a lot of high-level summaries of difficult material. That was v. cool. It made people feel pressured and insecure but over time they got over it.

Actually I'm liking the idea of doing a rec ctr class on blogging. It would tie in with all my ideas on writing as collaboration and community, and I like encouraging people to have diaries. Must investigate. It woudl be nearly effortless, it's not like i'd have to kill myself making lesson plans or lectures.

I think once i get the MA then all will be reassessed, I'll work on making more money, etc. but this year and a half is going to be all about wedging foot firmly in a few doors - one toe in each door or something -

suckers

It was funny at the M@rine Institute to see Mela, the mom who organized the whole field trip, freaking out because her kid wasn't paying attention.

Moomin's ego was crushed immediately by not being called on to answer the teacher's questions. Also, he had kind of built it up to where he was going to see Scientists, who are the Friends of Animals. Hunters are Bad, and Are Trying To Catch the Whales, Who Are Nice. We are Brave With the Hunters. We are Friends of Whales. I kept trying to explain that we would not see a whale, but he didn't believe me. So he retreated and spent the whole time with Mela's kid jumping off a low wall and climbing up again and giggling. They actually had a whole conversation about pirates.

This was great for him and me, since he usually responds to kids who say "Moomin come and play with me" by frowning and turning away sullenly.

But Mela had a big agenda going. I could totally hear her thinking, "Goddamn it, I busted my ass and took a day off work for you to jump up and down off a 2 foot high shelf? Get over here and appreciate these fucking hermit crabs, OR ELSE. I wil photograph you smiling with a goddamn invertebrate, and you will learn something!" Alas, it was not to be. Her hapless son began clinging to her legs and whining, "I want to go home. I don't want to be here" as Mela gritted her teeth madly. Truly he is a kindred spirit to Moomin.

When we left Moomin burst into tears because he wanted to "stay with the sea animals". He sulked all the way to school, demanding ice cream.

Oh, and I amused myself by telling several little kids that my hair got purple from eating purple grapes and popsicles, and always drawing with only purple magic markers. They totally believed me. I am evil!

backbones and lack of

I'm off to maul some invertebrates in some sort of tidepool petting zoo and lecture to preschoolers. I hope I get to pet a gumboot chiton - they are my favorites! How when you pick them up they slowly mold themselves to your hand.

Of course the petting zoo invertebrates die pretty quickly from the stress of mauling... at least so I've heard from the docents at the aquarium.

Speaking of petting zoos - I am fed up to HERE with tiny little sweaty sticky hands and feet all over me all day long. I was thinking of the year and a half I nursed moomin with an awful internal shudder. It was great in many ways and at many times and I wouldn't do it differently - but oh the lack of physical boundaries and my own body's privacy! and the sticky sweaty hands and the sticky sweaty everything! the under-the-breast sweat was not to be believed. ew. there is a special circle of hell where the demons are todddlers with grubby wet hands, it's always summer, and there's no air conditioning. For an insane moment yesterday I even thought longingly of H0uston and the way everything's 60 degrees all the time indoors and you pretty much, soon, will never have to go outside there, or will have your own personal insulating bubble of expensive, electricity-wasting A/C wherever you go so that you don't get that oven-blast effect when you have to go from your chilly house to your instantly chilly station wagon to the freezing, breezy mall.

I plead temporary insanity.

I'll pass on all that unwanted petting and poking energy to the hapless starfish and sea cucumbers real soon now.

so hot!

It's so hot here I've been walking around in just a skirt all afternoon. And I keep taking showers.

It's just hot hot hot.

If I open the windows, we all have crazy allergy attacks. Tonight there will be a mass taking of extra meds and the windows go open.

I'm chopping that damn tree down! Pronto!

derailed by smut

I sat down to translate but ended up working on the "How to T@lk D1rty" project instead.

Gentle readers, I need help - email me if you want to talk about talking d1rty (god, i don't want the google hits off of this phrase...) I have a whole lot of ideas written down and some sections written and others outlined.

I have figured out from reading Doss's manuscripts that for these how-to manuals you want a mix of theory, ideas, exercises or concrete suggestions to be tried -but most of all you need hot anecdotes. It's like the soft-core formula Rook's friend Rafael has to use in his movies - sprinkling the 3-minute s3x scenes evenly through the movie. You don't want them all together, as with the chocolate chips in cookies - they must be distributed nicely.

Ideas, stories, confessions are welcome! I want to hear your juiciest stories... the ones that begin, "this one old girlfriend of mine and I used to do this weird thing..."

One thing that became immediately obvious when I started this project a year or so ago was that the stereotype is of het relationships where "the guy" wants "the girl" either to cuss during sex, or to tolerate being called a bitch or whore or something. And so the articles I find on it are all directed towards straight women who are a little uptight, and it's often all about packaging yourself and "pleasing your man". The best of them talk about negotiating and try to say that it might be fun to do. But wow, there's not a lot out there that's any good. It's all very C0smo magazine or reminds me of the book "S3x and the Single Girl" by H3l3n Gurl3y Brown. So far, cruising up till around page 10 of my searches, the only sane article I have found is here...

the most ridiculous article had some good ideas, but was all about how to imitate porn movies, and how to make your mouth look and how to breathe. It's scarily hilarious. Because, you know, when I'm having sex I'm actually totally artificial and planning each breath, and saying all my smutty things in careful phrasing with the breathing timed in, like playing the flute. now THAT makes for great sex. hahahah, NOT!

You have the option of breathing through your nose, mouth or both. If decide to breathe through your mouth, you do not want to form a large “o” shape with your lips. Come on, you are not a pet waiting for a treat from its owner. Instead your mouth should be slightly open, no bigger than the point of your index finger. This seems to produce a more appealing expression

Now I know where the porn stars learned it! There is a school where the goofball author of this article teaches them exactly how far to open their mouths to have that really dumb glisteny-mouthed fake-surprised look.

But seriously - an instruction manual that really explores the idea. Wouldn't you read it? One that's feminist and gender neutral and not heterocentric. I mean in my experience I'm mostly the dirty talking one who has to pretty much perform brain surgery to make shy boys/girls say anything at all past a faint moan or an "oh yeah".

It's coming out all sort of cutesy and magazine articley, which actually might be the correct light-hearted tone. but then I start academicking off into other galaxies. I have no idea what tone to take, really. the real idea behind it being not "how to swear while fucking" but how to connect up your verbal bits of your brain to your reptilian hindbrain and the brain in your pants, and stuff, because it makes sex hotter and communication better. It's totally not about swearing - that is only one part of the idea.

If you've ever had sex with me and are reading this, don't worry, I'll try to disguise the anecdotes reasonably, and will check with you before I blow your cover. But it could get tricky.

go ahead, tell me

What other 4 year old would sit calmly on the floor of an office and play for 3 hours without giving a moment's trouble? A few requests for juice or for me to interpret long mysterious words like "B@rtholemew Cubbins".

He's spastic and frisky now. We hung around Stafffnord so he could run around like a mad thing. Despite his goodness I am tired of being stepped on, hung on, having my pants used as hand-wiping material for banana-y hands, etc. Then we grocery shopped (more hanging-on, wild babbling, hand-wiping). at one point in the car he said, out of the blue, "Can you be quiet for a few minutes please? Don't talk to me." I complied. He then did something that I think was reciting a large chunk of the movie "Mupp3t Tre@sure Island"; it had Capt. Smollet, and some sort of crazy action was happening. What was with his request to me? I think he just didn't want to be interrupted.

Now there is going to be a video... i can't take any playgroundiness or anything. I swore two things this weekend: that I would finish 3-5 agustini poems, and that I'd finish translating Liliana's little book by the end of the week. Pretty much no progress has been made on those fronts. Progress shall be made right now - I have decreed it.

Pretty much any time I put a video on I feel neglectful and bad, though everyone I know does it.

all is well

Of course Moomin's school sent him home with "suspected pinkeye" despite Rook telling them it was allergies.

The pediatrician was like "tccch. whatever. idiots, it is obviously not pinkeye" and gave him some new fancy allergy eyedrops that made him feel instant relief from itching. Doesn't that sound like a commercial... but so true. It's some mast cell inhibitor. Fancy! Hooray! I want it too! Mast cells - how I loathe them.

So, it sucked to keep him home from school but I'm glad we went and got the eyedrops because now he's not miserably itchy and rubbing his eyes.

We spent a perky morning at the cafe and I ran into Scarlett's friend Claudia with her kids and another girl St3kphanie and 3 kids, and then another chick who I liked a lot as she was an arrogant motormouth who talked about narcissism and artisticness. she is a painter. I did spout off with her about irritating stepford wives with perfect magazine houses and huge amounts of boringness. and then she revealed that she is like the president of the co-0op nursery school up in Forestside. Oho hahaa. what that means ihave no idea but clearly somethng interesting and gossipy. i rashly invited her to bad ass mamas coffee sometime. i wonder what her paintings are like? her kid and moomin got along okay and i liked her level of intervention and insistence on their politeness to each other. she also told me all about how her burly thug of a kid's favorite thing to do is dress up in pink and be a princess.

Here at McCoot's I am listening to a long, long, long description of the themes and plot and "characters" of his fanfic. Oh dear. I am taking extensive notes on it all so that I remember it next time. Moomin is on the floor quietly reading dr. se3uss and playing with dragons.

Lst night we watched the first half of w1nged migration again (with Acrobat) and I asked Moomin to be totally quiet as Pilot and little Nutella were sleeping. Angelically he was totally quiet and only whispered a few things to me - mostly, things I'd told him in answer to his questions on the first watching of the movie two days before. I liked it when the geese were in the snow and he told me, patting my knee as if to comfort me, "It's okay. They are not cold or scared. They are wild animals. They know JUST WHAT TO DO."

The good thing about being here at work is that I can breathe and my eyes dont' itch either. Air! Pollen free air!